A Misty Mountains Elk Story

On Mother's Day I skipped church and went deep into the mountains alone. It was a chilly damp day and the thick mist (along with my searching state of mind) made the journey very mystical and other-worldly.

A short way into the forest I heard the strangest sound, a sort of high pitched barking noise, but I was skeptical it was a dog. As I peered through the foggy forest for the source of the sound, a lone cow elk came timidly into view. It is rare to see them alone and I have never heard one make a sound before. Hers was an anxious, rather mournful call; as if she were lost or lost something. From a short distance we stared at each other with only the dripping mist making a sound. When I reached for my camera, she was gone like a ghost. I caught one more glimse of her (see below) with camera in hand before she was gone. It was so surreal.

This hike was a three and half hour solo journey. Besides the elk and a few curious woodpeckers playing hide and seek with me, I saw no other living thing besides the trees. It is so strange to hike without Barnie (he compressed some discs in his neck and is on strict bed rest for two months). And now that I am living alone again, solitary-ness has taken on a whole new flavor.

The other night my dear friend Leigh and I were talking on the phone at sundown as I sat in my car next to Evergreen lake. As I was sharing my heart with her about all the changes and challenges in my life right now, another cow elk materialized from the edge of the lake right next to me. As I shared this with Leigh, and also told her the the story of the elk the day before, a whole herd emerged from the fading light into my view. There was at least 20 of them! It was then that my wise and wonderful friend pointed out to me that the elk were giving me a message; they where there right then AND the day before clearly symbolizing both the lonely cry in my heart as well as the reality that I am not alone - that I am a social creature with a whole herd of incredible people in my life that I love and who love me. Elk also represent stamina to the native Americans. Yes... I have that energy in me... stamina and resilience to get through anything. And so I thank the elk of Evergreen and my dear friend Leigh for that reminder.

Here I am at my hike desitination - a rocky outcropping that, when clear, has an incredible view. But I thought it so gorgeous the way it was. Clear... foggy... warm... cold... with another... alone... that's just how life is. I'll take it all.

A few weeks ago, while unpacking, I found this poem tacked to North's cork board that was in his office. I wrote it very spontaneously one day several years ago when I was at his place in Dana point. Its odd that I actually remember writing it. It just poured out onto the page on a sunny day as he worked away at his computer. It strikes me in a rather surreal way now. So much has happened and changed since then and yet life still feels this way to me. For that, I am glad. I am continually learning to embrace, and even love ALL that life is, but it is hard sometimes, no doubt about that.

Thanks for letting me share with you.

Growth and blessings, Stef

May our lives expand
Our hearts open
May we take inside
The truth’s of God
Light- Life – Mystic – Magic - Love

And may our souls fly
Joyfully, ecstatically, exquisitely
With our feet on the ground
Trusting the Journey – The road unseen

Surrender to the mystery
Freedom – Smiles – Gratitude
Life on Life’s terms
Beautiful – Mystical – Profound

May our lives expand
Our worlds open
May old darkness slip back to nothingness
Revealing a landscape wide and green - Pristine

May our hearts expand
May we simply BE ALIVE!

-- Stephanie Swink
Dana Point, CA Sometime in 2004 or 2005