We have reached The Other Coast! (Florida and Georgia)

Hi Y'all!

The good and juicy stuff of life, and this particular piece of mine, fills my days and my awareness to the blissful brim. Yes, I am VERY aware of how great it is that I get to do this amazing trip! It has been so wonderful. I mean how challenging can it be when the biggest decision I have to make all day is what to eat for dinner?! All I seem to do is take pictures, read, eat, write, do a puzzle, walk, swim... you get the picture. It has been taking ALL my time to do these things therefore I am quite behind in keeping up to date on the blog. So here is a an update - through Florida and Georgia anyway.


Manatee Springs, where the most pristine fresh water gurgles up from the earth at an astonishing rate. Here I camped and went for a swim/snorkle with turtles, bass, mullet and other fish. It was sis Kris' birthday and I missed my family A LOT as I played alone in paradise. But at least we had a great talk on the phone!














Then I met up with some new friends Barnie and I made earlier in Florida. Ginna, her hubby Paul, and thier dog Buffy invited us to a Memorial Day dinner at thier house in Beverly Hills, Florida. We had a great time and it felt great to socialize and connect with some very neat people. We toured around the area and went to the Homossassa Wildlife park where I saw my first manatee! Wildlife continues to be one of my all time favorite things about this journey. Here a strange big bird whose favorite sunning spot was the little dock at my campsite. I looked her up in my bird book - an anhinga. COOL!
Next Barn and I were taken on a boat ride by our new pals. Who knew my little doggie liked water so much?! Heat was a motivator but he loved swimming around and chasing crabs on this shallow sandbar.
Our next leg of the journey took us away from the Gulf and across the middle of Florida to meet up with my long-time Practitioner Pal, LeeAnn in St. Augustine, FL. I spent almost a week plugged in outside her house just three lots away from the beach. We had a blast! And by chance we got to witness a shuttle launch too! How surreal that was! LOVE YOU LA!














Georgia time on my mind... Jeykll Island and seeing (through infrared lenses) a 300# prehistoric loggerhead sea turtle came ashore at night to lay her eggs... that was a trip highlight for sure! These creatures were special to North and I am fascinated by them. What a blessing to see one in the wild and several at the turtle center.
Loved it!




Now I thought renting this bike with the pull behind thingy was a great idea. Barnie was not in agreement! He whined the entire time! Anyway, we still found butterflys and a beautiful beach.

The next day, further north along the Georgia shore, it rained all day. And when it was not pouring in sheets we relished a walk in the swampy woods, complete with deer close encounters and nothing but the lovely sound of raindrops on leaves. Ahhhh....

Finally we came to Savannah. This is the first larger city I ventured into, tending to prefer the natural side of places. But this historical area was incredible! Barn and I took an 'on and off' trolley tour around the different areas. I've never seen so many squares/parks - every other block it seemed. And all of them with some sort of historical monument to a historical figure. Very beautiful and very interesting. The architecture, culture, and stories with strong accents from the various tour guides made it altogether very memorable.

Well then... if you have gotten this far I am glad. This is a long-ish one and it still leaves out several good pieces of the story. Like the many butterfly "fly-by's" when I was thinking of North and many, many other synchronistic events. All are serving to deepen my healing, sharpen my memories and focus my attention on the treasures all around, but mostly inside, of me. The journal pages are filling fast and so I guess you'll just have to wait for the book!

Love and blessings and warm long imaginary hugs to all.

Namaste',

Stef

New Home for Stef's Journey Journal

In a recent conversation with my pal LeeAnn in Florida, it came to my awareness that this part of the overall journey of the last few years is new - its different - and its mine. Although I feel North with me everyday it feels like this new chapter, this cross country healing odyssey, needs a new title and a new look.

North actually created this alternate blog site for me long ago, I used it once and forgot about it - sharing information and feelings on the familiar North Blog site. Well, I think it high time to put it to good use. The title in place is obviously appropriate... Stef's Journey Journal. So if I can make this work like I want to, then this is where you will find my entries of stories and thoughts and pictures on the road from now on.

Not sure, but to get to this blog site readers may need to go to the north blog site and then click on the link. I am not even sure if this will go to those who are subscribers or not. More will be revealed and now that I left Florida behind (for now), I'll post part 2 of my time there in a day or two.

Hugs and welcome to the endless journey of change,
Stef

Tears and Laughter

On what is as close to as normal a day as possible in this life of mine, I can be going through the paces of preparing for a day of helping someone organize their home and WHAM! – I am suddenly skidding down an unwanted and increasingly familiar road of sadness, fear and despair.
On Friday morning after North went off to his chemo and radiation treatment I came out of the shower humming a song to myself. As I bent over to dry my hair my eyes took in a large quantity of dark hair (North’s) scattered across the bathroom floor. Suddenly I am crying, hard, and I just can’t seem to stop. What happened? I knew the radiation (not so much his type of chemo) was causing his hair to fall out.
I have been adjusting as best I can to the continuing changing look and feel of my beloved. I have watched daily as his facial swelling decreases and the radiation burns crack then heal then crack again. I’ve breathed through washing the blood stains from the pillowcases and stood next to him at the mirror as we both filled our fingers with hair and watched it fall into the sink. I’ve watched and listened as he struggles to understand, predict and care for the inside of his mouth; trying to manage the pain of a swollen and bleeding tongue to dealing with mucosa (gross increase of thick mucous - sorry to the squeamish!) and intense dry mouth. I’ve even stood there are cried as the sounds of his body rejecting whatever he put in it filled my ears and darkened my heart. And I have bore witness to the slow shrinking process of his entire body to a weight less than mine. Horrible? Yes! Frightening, upsetting, sad, lonely, angry, frustrated, confused and uncertain??? Yes! Yes! Yes!
And so I cried. I just cried and cried and cried some more. I tried to stop and found myself unable to. So I went about my business and drove to my clients house an hour late, still crying. What to do? Feeling such a loss of control in so many areas of my life was accentuated by the loss of the ability to stop my tears from flowing. SO… I called my dear friend and business partner Jenny, who was already busily working upstairs, and asked her to help me. She immediately came down and lovingly talked me through it. She reminded me how normal, natural and even healthy it was to let all those feelings out. She reminded me of what Marianne Williamson said in her talk last week about the importance of acknowledging the shadow side of our lives. (More on Marianne and her specific support of myself and North to come in my next blog). And so with the help of an open and caring heart, the tears slowed and eventually stopped. My breath came easier and low and behold, mountains of paperwork were successfully put into order for our client.
Then Saturday came. In a nutshell it will suffice to say that two dark and brooding lovers unable to connect on any level make for a gloomy kind of day. But, with the darkness came the courage to face it, together, and in doing so the light came in, brighter and stronger than ever.
One of the things I have most cherished about my relationship with North is our shared ability to have real, important, honest and very often perspective changing, if not life altering, conversations. Last night was no exception. Even with his limited ability to verbalize his thoughts without pain and my constantly saying, “What honey?”, we managed to find our way back together. But even more importantly we helped each other go to a deeper and more vulnerable place of dealing with this whole experience. We talked about how, underneath all the obvious fears we face, our shared deepest fear is that we might, through our avoidance, denial, stubbornness, terror or the obstinate strength of our old patterns, miss the grand opportunity to truly transform; to be deepened in our surrender to God/Spirit and life’s great mystery and our parts in it – and most of all to not allow this “crucifixion” of sorts, to be our salvation. More Christian based terminology than I usually use but it fits.
So we helped each other. I encouraged North to ask for help out loud to whatever or whoever might be listening, just waiting for an invitation. He teared up and said I was an angel with amnesia and my response to him was that I have not forgotten, and neither has he. We admitted to and explored the mysterious blocks we have both felt to pray directly for what we most want and to ask for help from our “invisible” support team. North expressed his unwillingness to see God as something outside of him, to view the creative power as not within but external. We talked about my both/and perspective and how I have found a way to recognize my own Divinity while also recognizing a power greater than my human conscious mind can fully comprehend. I am part of it, integral, capable and perfectly created; but human and prone to forget, and to believe the ways of this physical world are more powerful than I, more powerful than God.
The biggest and most important Truth is that North and I long to let our lights shine into the lives of others in ways that help, heal, support, strengthen and transform. We share a dream of writing books, facilitating support groups and workshops and making a positive difference in this world as our primary focus and way we spend our time. From the beginning of our journey together there has been a dream of combining our talents and living a shared life of purpose and meaning. And so, as we asked for help, for courage, for faith, we got it. We found ourselves talking about the title of the book(s) and empowering patients or anyone going through crisis of big change. We got excited about the people we will meet and the places we will go and our dream of having homes both here and in the Smokey Mountains in Tennessee.
And before we went to bed we laughed, a lot. The new anti-nausea drug, Marinol, might have helped a bit. It has THC from marijuana in it so North said, “Honey, you and Marinol make a Divine cocktail!” He danced a little jig in the kitchen, telling me of his relief and happiness about our conversation and how much better he felt and how grateful he is for having me in his life. He said I was beautiful and started singing “We’ve got High Hopes! High Hopes! (Sing it with us now!) “High in the Sky, Apple Pie Hopes!”
What a relief… to face the dark head on and with love so strong. To find our way through it together and be on the other side with renewed hope and excitement and laughter... blessed laughter. Thank you God. Thank you everything and everyone who loves, supports and inspires us to be all we can be. I am SO grateful and we are so blessed. Life is good. And so it is!
Namaste’
Stef

Pending An Entry Bt Stef

Stef will soon be making regular entries to this blog. Stay tuned.